You know when you are in the midst of stress, excitement, anxiety, fear, joy, worry, happiness and your friends know exactly what to say to you to make you feel better? Yeah, me either. Because let’s be honest, what can they say? Well, last night as I was texting some friends about the arrival of this little girl (who is now 2 days past her due date and overstaying her welcome just a tad), all those emotions were in me as I explained how I would be getting induced. Her response? Dilate like a boss. Dilate like a boss?! Honestly, no words or advice or anything could have been better in that moment. Because laughter sometimes cures everything. And in this case, it did.
So tonight is the night that Rick and I venture to Mt. Sinai hospital to get induced. Because this past Monday, this little girl’s estimated weight was 8lbs 6oz and if we can imagine for a second how giant that is for a baby…yeah…you get the point. I mean, that wasn’t the actual reason for scheduling the inducement. But, in my mind it’s a pretty big factor, pun intended.
In addition to the aforementioned emotions above and the amazing advice from my friend, the last 3-4 weeks I actually have been grieving. When I think about not being pregnant, it hurts my heart. She and I have been on this 10 month journey together and the intimacy is remarkable. She has made me laugh with her hiccups. She’s kicked me to the point of minor pain. She’s caused me worry. And joy. And she has brought me closer to God. My guess is this may be a foreshadowing of what’s to come. But until then, I have to admit, I am actually going to be sad to not have this belly anymore. And to not talk to her and laugh at myself about the things I say to her when nobody is around. It’s a miraculous, beautiful, mind-blowing gift from God that I really can’t fully get my arms around. And tonight/tomorrow/some point in the next couple days, the pregnancy ends. I never ever thought I would be sad about this. But I am.
And this morning, a dear friend sent me this bible verse:
A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. John 16:21
Aha! So I am not crazy for grieving. God said it. He said that a woman would have pain because of this. And in this case, I don’t think he means physical pain, I think he means emotional pain. And because God is God and He never stops at the pain, he continues and he offers hope. But when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. Hallelujah! This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Gosh it’s awesome when friends (ahem, God) just say/write the right things at the exact right times, isn’t it?!
So that’s that. I am going to dilate like a boss, I’m going to rejoice knowing my grief will turn to joy and in the next couple days, I will meet this little girl face-to-face.